But don't feel bad for me.
I started out alone and in the end, that's where I'll be.

So much for forever. 
I guarantee we’ll be those friends who talk once a month –
then that’ll end. 
It’s not what I wanted. 
Sometimes things were as good as gold, but quite often shit got very old.

 How I wish you could see the potential. The potential of you and me. It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read just yet

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down

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~*JeN*~

<3 <3 <3

All these quotes are from the book Please Don't Kill the Freshman by Zoe Trope. It is amazing.

I am a masochist candy cane, lick ‘em lolly, and gummi girl all in one. The pain you seek is me.

He is not perfect, but he is the closest thing I’ve found.

Sometimes I am sick of loving everyone. I’m sick of being the one people depend on. I’m sick of depending on people. I care so much the skin under my fingernails bleeds and turn black, but I am rarely held, recognized, encouraged. Sometimes loneliness makes me more vague and cryptic.

Sometimes I think that you take the fact that I love you for granted.

Sometimes I wish I could cut myself up into pieces and tape me back together to make something more beautiful. Won’t you please rearrange me?

I am a whore for attention and I spread my legs as wide as my mouth.

There are pieces of me all over this planet and in this planet I am trying to find but sometimes I worry what will happen when I find all the pieces. When my fingers have to stretch so far to keep everything connected. Maybe my limbs will fall off and I won’t exist anymore. But everything I’ve touched will stay. Maybe it will be different than it started.

We’re all just suffering from out own terminal disease. There’s no date set on when, but we’re all going to die or lose the people we love one way or another. I just wish I didn’t take everything for granted and that I could appreciate everyone more and I try so hard but it still doesn’t seem to be enough. The only difference between me and the guy with AIDS is his virus has a name and a ribbon. Mine’s got me.

I’m thinking too much and I need to throw up some of these thoughts before something vile happens. I am thinking that I don’t need to prove myself to the people who don’t matter. I am thinking of longing. I am thinking that I would like to be six years old or nineteen years old. I am thinking I am indecisive. Mostly I am longing. I am convincing myself of many, many things, but my longing is a constant. My longing is riding my bike with pink streamers on the handles to 7-11 and buying a slurpee. My longing is a soft boy to hold me. My longing if to be rid of my empathy. Out of all the things I am thinking and convincing myself of, the only think I know for sure is that it’s okay. It’s okay to convince and to long and to think. And perhaps most important, I know what matters. Linux Shoe matters, my words matter. The people I love matter. Not that building, not those letters on that piece of paper, not the teachers who yell, not the stupid girls or the angry boys. As simple as this may be, I sit and cry because no one else will know this for a very, very long time...I know a billion other truths and philosophical ramblings. But what do I really know? Nothing. I’m fourteen. I am a girl in a pretty little public high school in a pretty little house in a pretty little neighborhood. What do I know?

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~*JeN*~

<3 <3 <3

Please don't go; just stay.
I watched with tears in my eyes
as you walked away...
Miss your voice and your touch.
And if I told you I loved you could that be enough?

And I want life in every word to the extent that it’s absurd

"All right.…I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."
++ The Great Gatsby : F. Scott Fitzgerald.

And all the words inside my mouth won't come through. I've got this pain in my head that I can't shake when I remind myself I can't get to you.

It hurts me so much and I'm not quite sure why I care anymore.

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~*JeN*~

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i'm staring at my feet wondering if i can do this
it's been a while, but i couldn't forget you.

Before, my fear was being vulnerable. 
The ability of another human being to possibly tear apart your insides
At any moment was enough to keep me running. 
He, however, made my insides come alive,
My smile become permanent, laughter more frequent. 
He took away my fear and gave me hope. 
But more importantly,
For the first time in my life,
Instead of wanting to run,
He gave me a reason to stay.

I miss you
I love you
I need you

never leave me again.

Reality made sure that you would never be mine.

Come back
Hug me
and say you 
                   love
                          me.

It's the saddest thing
to look into someone's eyes
and realize they'll never love you

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~*JeN*~

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So guess what? I'm done drawing your pictures.
I'm dulling the day with a drink
in a parking garage by the theatre;
We met for a movie...
Every scene was a sign;
We made out through their meaning...

I'm not mad at you.
I don't like what you did, but I think I understand why you did it.

People have scars in all sorts of unexpected
places. Like secret road maps of their personal
histories, diagrams of all their old wounds.

Settle down precious,
I know what you're going through.
Ten minutes before you got here,
I was gonna jump too.

That's all folks!!!! Comment and subscribe!!!!

~*JeN*~

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